子どもの心 Addie

Kevin Tang - Dedicated To You [ORIGINAL]

2011-11-26T15:14:00.004+08:00

Always feeling musical during assignment or exam periods...

This time I wrote a song, "dedicated to you"

Song title: Dedicated to You

Lyrics and composed by Kevin Tang

The sun's shining on me

It tells me to breathe

It knows that I can't say THAT out loud to you

PRE-CHORUS

You know that I'm introverted

Sometimes think that I'm perverted

So I wrote you this song

Hope you'll know

Wish you'll know

My feelings (affections) for you

CHORUS

I miss (need) you I want (love) you

That's what I'll do

To the East (North) To the West (South)

I'll go for you

All I need (wish) All I want (hope)

is you by my side

Oh how I wish that I'm with you

Oh I just want to be with you

The moon's glaring at me

It's so hard to believe

Time passes so quick and I haven't say THAT in awhile

Repeat (PRE-CHORUS)

Repeat (CHORUS)

This song is dedicated to you

You know who you are

So I don't have to say directly to you

Repeat CHORUS

What I've written just for you

Is my way of saying that

I'm glued~

#END

Seclusion: Battle between two selfs

2011-11-09T12:14:00.003+08:00

Once ever so sunny, now it is drizzling,
Things that have gone smoothly, sometimes obstructive,
Just like most people in life,
mood swings, ups and downs, high and low,
there is never a definite description that will last forever,
no matter how you wish it would stay.

Range of happiness,
range of sadness,
but no matter how down your mood is,
once it hits rock bottom,
there is no other way but up,
and it happens the other way around as well,
just like the exhilarating part of alcohol,
then comes the irritating hangover,
and goes back to the normal daily life phase.

Sad<---------Normal--------->Happy
Is it really true that everyone put their mood in a rating scale?
As a medical profession I've always had been asking about from scale of 1 to 10,
how would the patient rate their mood/ pain/ feeling?
Then I ask myself at the end,
Is it possible to quantify anything so subjective?
Can you actually isolate the feeling to a respective percentage or integer?
When you explore it,
it is always more than just being some ranking to allow other health professionals to get an insight of what a patient feels,
Does it always mean the same if other people gave the same digit to describe their feelings?
Do people in general all express their feelings in the same way?
Or following the social norms?
I guess it ultimately relies on a person's personality,
although this is where misunderstandings and assumptions are made,
by people who think they know it all but in fact,
they are just people who are following to the codes that are perceived as 'normal' in society.

People try their best to stay on the optimum mood,
People try to avoid and be somewhat of an isolationist,
But all with intention of trying to keep their mood stable,
Seclusion does not always have to be a negative thing to do,
Deep inside,
At least you are with someone who understands and knows you the best,
who is capable of dealing with the enemy deep within you
which is yourself...
against...
yourself

by Kaiwyn Tang

Aftermath

2011-11-02T13:50:00.001+08:00

"It's important to monitor you since you're on Clozapine when it has the side effects of agranulocytosis which is a white cell defect and potential myocarditis...", while I explain to the patient and handed over the blood collection kit to the new RMO in ward. I was not confident to do it on an aggressive patient yet.

Things are always about side effects in pharmacological intervention,
but recently I think people act hastily in general some times,
even with knowing the possible consequences, they still happen to do it.
What drives them to actually act on their intuition?
Is there any degree of gain involved?
Sometimes trying to be in their shoes to understand what they are going through,
but psychology can get a bit complicated and you would not want to be too attached to your patient.
When psychiatry registrars are explaining things like philosophers,
about how could the patients present with this behavior,
with all the psychodynamics and biological models,
it somehow connected to me,
the words uttered from him somehow makes sense to me,
which is different when I am doing other rotation (eg. neuro, cardio etc)
Could this be from doing too much psychiatry?
Do I want to be in psychiatry?- I don't know,
at least not consciously,
not if I sit down and research about what I really want,
besides there is still lots to be experienced yet.

"I understand that you've been using alcohol as something to numb away the sorrow and grief, but now your body is too intoxicated, and they want the alcohol out. We can still provide some benzos for your withdrawal after doing the AWS, then monitor you closely...", stated the consultant while I'm writing the progress notes in patient's file.

Loss can be really shocking to anyone,
With such an intense stimuli, it is normal for a person to defend it,
unconsciously or consciously.
In denial, forming a barrier and keeping the loss from within,
finding a replacement (eg alcohol and drug abuse),
referring back to the origin or when naivety is most likely prevalent,
these are all examples of defensive methods after a loss.
The positive approach would be desirable, to move on,
but it will take a while.
Things that can't be undone,
things that comes back to haunt you,
things that makes you feel imperfect,
Aftermath,
how scary and fearful it is,
but hey,
I guess you acquire active immunity from it,
it will get less intense next time when it happens,
but it is just another way of comforting yourself,
isn't it?
honestly speaking...

by
Kaiwyn Tang

Truth beyond lies

2011-10-30T06:38:00.002+08:00

Starting from the bottom of my heart,
most people at my age still tends to behave like a kid from time to time,
never in their naivety that they realise,
what could happen in reality,
so most of them follow the crowd,
most leaders would still have a period of time when they were followers,
until they achieve something great and was once far out of reach,
they followed the crowd and gather all the experience and knowledge.
I used the term 'most people' just to feel less guilty and to get on with it easier to be honest.

In this era, most people would acquire knowledge from tertiary studies
and worry about how to gain experience in the future.
But not all people are satisfied with just facing the books and computers,
some would be involved in work just to feel like living,
but some would involved in work actually for a living.
This could not be compared to theory, "Eat to live or live to eat"
Because you still have to eat to survive, it is a mandatory act,
but people who work just to feel like living does not compulsorily need to work.,
but who does not like some cash into their own wallet?
Men created currency to help make things function easier in the world,
but without knowing how people now cannot function without money,
causing different sorts of inequity issues.

A stable and healthy financial source is what everyone would hope for,
actually possibly to lie and die for to keep the source ongoing for most people,
at least that's what most people know growing up in a working parents' family,
Parents would come back home after work and de-stress with their beloved kids,
sometimes share their philosophy of work and how they wish their child would not have to work,
I remember when I was just a kid,
I always wanted to work to help out with family,
And always wondered why they are being so defensive about me earning some money,
when financially it does not make any sense.
Things started to clear up as I started working,
and funny how I wished to be still cared by my parents,
but life goes on and responsibilities keep adding up,
and with all the given duties in life,
it is crucial to maintain a stable financial source,
although I would hate to admit that I would need an inorganic material to survive,
but that is the truth.

Considering anyone in a tight spot of having to pay for their tuition fees, rent and living essentials,
Majority would have possibly lied to secure a job,
Ethically wrong, but there would not be any ethics to discuss when you're broke.
Sure there are agencies to help and money to loan but for some folks, it will be limited,
At least lying to keep a job in my opinion would not affect my work performance,
since internal affairs would not be reflecting work credibility, it is more on the social side.
But I do understand on the employer's side that trust is important too,
So whether the employee forge a clever and beautiful lie,
Or don't work at all since lying is still not advisable,
But honesty in reality is like a fragile bubble of air floating up to the sky,
You don't know when it will pop before it actually reach the stratosphere,
Would you be honest and tell your boss that you are working for their money?
Although it is obvious but not many employee would admit that in front of their employer/s.
Every employer would love to have employees that are sincere and honest,
but where do you cross the line before you look like you're kissing their ass,
and have the other employees go AWOL on you.

To the very least, in my experience,
I was dedicated to help and I have helped,
Maintaining a healthy relationship with the co-workers and boss/es,
Predominantly sincere and honest in all areas of work,
but using a lie to secure a financial source would be fatally bad for me,
like pulling off a nail where the picture hangs,
although public sees the artwork,
but once the nail has been pulled off, everything shatters.
What's left is a lesson learnt,
and try like hell to stand up tall again,
and not to use a 'lie' nail to hang up my working life,
unless you're a professional liar or life-threatening desperate,
but clear it up to your boss before they find out,
any empathetic being would understand and forgive,
but still be prepared for a sack if you're uncertain.

Lesson learnt:
Honesty is honesty, it's non-manipulative and definite,
lies in the other hand can be manipulated all the time.
Trust needs honesty and some non-manipulative lies.

By Kaiwyn

Withdrawal

2011-09-18T15:12:00.004+08:00

Well *takes a deep breathe*
Sunlight shines through the semi-transparent glass into my room full of notes and unorganised apparels.
There I was lying on the same old bed,
Looking through my contacts in my phone,
dialed up to a few friends - "No answer"
I was about to take a quick nap just before I go hardcore on studies back.
As I was about to doze off with procrastination,
I decided to jolt up from my horizontal position,
Washed my used dishes,
Cooked dinner although it's only 410pm.
Came back into the gloomy sunny room,
suddenly felt a bit autumn-ish,
the yellowness of the light soothes me as well as it brought some melancholy,
I wonder why...

Memories slowly recollected into my mind,
although I thought it was full from all the studies that I had done,
the decision of withdrawing from last semester when I had gone through it,
the decision of withdrawing from my parent's financial care,
the decision of withdrawing from love and friendship,
slowly haunts me...
every decision that I had made so far...
probably not particularly for the whole 22 years,
if I have to think about what I had consciously withdrawn from for the first time in my life,
it is definitely the decision of withdrawing from eating vegetables as a child.
Like a puzzle joining into a picture,
What will fuse into with every withdrawal or addiction?
I froze for a bit
...
Doesn't it end up into a picture of me in future?

Kaiwyn Tang

Rainy Bakery

2011-08-20T19:27:00.002+08:00

You were introduced into my life in the beginning of 2001.
I can still remember you were really easy to approach, not long after, we became good buddies.
When everyone did not support the decision of me being the class monitor,
you were among the few who supported me.
We were always competing against each other in studies,
especially in History, you were always the teacher's favorite student.
We changed classes after 2 years in Form 3, but we would still hang out during lunch times.
When I was feeling down,
all alone eating my spicy bowl of noodles in the canteen.
You would approach me and be concerned.
After a year, we then reassembled back into the same class for another 2 years.
Where we made a lot of memories together.
We went for camping with the Cahaya people,
Going to museums and planetarium,
Organising food and fun fair together,
Participating in dramas, public speaking and choir...
Just things ended so quickly...
So quickly that I can't even remember.
After going to our senior prom and Cahaya's, we then seldom meet after school.
Sometimes we accidentally meet in places,
When we do, we'll be chatting for ages.
The last time was February 2008.
To suddenly hear about the bad news, I was devastated.
I didn't knew it would affect me that bad.
At first, I was mad that I wasn't kept in the loop.
I've always treated you as one of my close buddies.
But... I respect your decision.
I did what I can do for now.
Is to hope you are happy wherever you are...
My dear friend...
Missing you...

Numbness

2011-08-11T02:55:00.001+08:00

Morning approaches silently,
As people lay comfortably on their horizontal position,
Not aware that they need to leave that comfort zone soon.
Mostly insomniacs are already counting down the time their alarm will go off.
Looking at the ceiling,
Waiting for more light to seep through the cracks and openings of the room,
There,
What could be in people's mind?
Yesterday's hardship?
Today's challenge?
Or far beyond the unknown future?
Or rewind into their deepest past?
Isn't it funny how people always plan ahead,
But all they are willing to do at that period of time is craving to lay flat more,
Why not just enjoy the very last few moments of light sleep?
But how could you enjoy it if you are aware that you'll need to be awake soon?
At this stage, numbness occurs...
To me, numbness fits this scenario perfectly.
Where input and output are likely to be equal.
It is when you break the numbness,
You'll not hit the snooze button,
Wake up,
and overwhelm the numbness...
though it sometimes drags on,
but isn't life like that as an adult?
...
Have you got sick of life?
...
No one would admit that...
honestly...
at least not to another homo sapien

By Kaiwyn

Motivation

2011-06-12T14:16:00.000+08:00

What is motivation?
Motivation is a special energy that keeps a person going,
Going through the obstacles in life and it goes in cycle,
Until a state of satisfaction is reached,
another challenge will soon launch itself and there the cycle starts again.
Procrastination is one of the manipulative factors to slows the process,
while motivation is the opposite.

What keeps you going?
For some people, it's fame and recognition from media and community,
Like for public figures.
Then what motivates the fans and paparazzi?
In this example, each party feeds of each other's energy to motivate themselves,
kind of like a symbiosis relationship.

For parents and guardians, it's their offspring or their dependents.
What about the dependents and the children?
Can symbiosis apply to this relationship?
For some situation, it may be applied, but sometimes, it's like a parasitic relationship.
No matter what, majority of children are dependent on their parents,
Maybe it's the child's innocence that motivates the parents to love and continue on through obstacles and challenges,
I am in no position in judging since I am still a child myself.

For doctors and lecturers, they are motivated to educate the younger generation of doctors-to-be their knowledge and experience.
But what motivates medical students to withhold the upcoming huge responsibility of human's health welfare?
Is there even room to let a failure teach them an important lesson?
When a person's life could be at stake?
Mankind are much more vulnerable during their diseased state.
Where do we find the motivation to face life and death all the time?
I guess clinicians slowly get used to it and would slowly become immune to it.
In the end, motivation could be just from a morning latte.
But medical students are far from this state, how can we learn more efficiently than just staring at boring manuscripts from the past?
This remains a mystery...maybe a motivation to initiate a change in medical education in future.

In conclusion, everyone, no matter who has responsibility over whoever,
Everyone needs motivation.
Have you ever give some to anyone?
Although sometimes it feels like just uttering a few expected phrases of words,
But it does fire up something deep within,
Even if it is a small flare,
it's still motivation...like fuel to continue on...
Carry on...

You can do it!
Kevin Tang

PMS II - Procrastinating Medical Studies II

2011-05-15T20:53:00.005+08:00

Yet another procrastination entry...

if every time when I got sidetracked and collected a dime,

I would have raised a charity fund for the unfortunate ones.

So first of all, organisation!

Things to complete

~~Complete the counseling video task and reflective~~
~~Complete Aboriginal assignment task~~
~~Complete General Practice Log Book~~
~~Organisation of HES- Getting signature and proposal form done~~
Study for examinations + practice clinical skills
~~Enroll for Semester 2 2011~~

Study plan, study plan!!!

Be strong willed!

The Nothing Days

2011-05-14T22:13:00.000+08:00

Days after days,
Minute after minute,
Time is passing us by silently,
you'll probably not aware of it during busy days,
but sometimes when you're aware of it, it somehow felt frozen.

Heart is beating,
Blood is circulating,
Cells are dividing,
But why do I feel so stationery?
Gazing upon the dead space,
acknowledging all the scientific physiologies happening around me,
To some extent, I know there's still lots to life that I'm not familiar with,
But everything just went behind my mind,
Occupied by an emptiness atmosphere,
Waiting for time to pass by, although I've been trying not to let it happen.
I then close my eyes,
trying not to give much of a thought,
Even though I knew it would be impossible,
but surprisingly nothing popped out in mind,
Nothing...
Just gradually, from being conscious of my breathing sounds,
Slowly as the negativity creeps in,
I gave myself a big stretch,
and continued my daily busy days,

awaiting for the next therapeutic nothing days...

By Kevin Tang

Traumatic Life?

2011-04-19T21:57:00.002+08:00

Trauma can be physical and psychological.
It is said as you grow up, you get more psychological trauma than physical ones.
In contrast, anyone would think that physical trauma hurts more than psychological ones.
But think again,
Pathologically, bruises, wounds and cuts are reversible.
Psychologically, it stays, as there is no 100% knowledge covered about the brain,
especially the limbic system that controls one's emotional state.
Sometimes, after a trauma, one would expect to raise their defense in future,
that's just common nature instinct.
But everyone's emotional threshold is different.
If weak, may develop into an acute stress disorder and further on to post-traumatic stress disorder, associated with flashbacks, nightmares and aggression.
It is just the body's own defense mechanism if the person can't handle the trauma,
either physically or psychologically.

Trauma can be temporary and permanent.
It is said as you progress in life, you get switches in both categories of trauma.
Some that comes and go,
Some that will be exclusively erased from memory,
Some that haunts you wherever you go.
But there's always something new to be pre-occupied with everyday.
Some trauma may be revitalising, some trauma may be disabling.
No matter it stays constantly or intermittently in a person's mind,
the main point is that it is still THERE.
Grow from it, learn from it, cope with it,
Because,
there are more trauma coming to get you,
why bother panicking over the ones that had already happened?
Better be emotionally prepared and try your best...

To be in best, for the life's test.

By Kevin Tang

Light Drizzle

2011-02-22T06:15:00.001+08:00

I am like a light drizzle.

A rain that does help a bit, but not a whole lot.

A rain that can be sometimes forgettable or sometimes memorable.

A rain that does not make any significance to the weather.

A rain that does not cause disaster neither in the extreme nor the least.

I'm just there...averagely.

People who does not flow with me takes an umbrella.

People who does not care will just walk away like any other day.

People who thinks about me would acknowledge me and might enjoy it...

but still trying to not get to soaked by me, who doesn't?

It does not matter,

I'll keep pouring...lightly.

Who knows someday I might earth out a few flowers or crops,

Who knows someday I might bedazzle everyone with rainbows,

With all that pouring,

I'm sure it would be absorbed somewhere...

Somewhere in the solid grounds,

I shall rest my rainy cloud over it,

and shower down with all my mightiest goodness of all.

Every time there's a light drizzle, I would look up,

...and let it drown my thoughts

END

Kaiwyn

M.E.D.I

2010-11-17T21:50:00.006+08:00

After examinations

PREMIERE AT University of Newcastle

HB15

10:00am

18/11/10

Director/ editor: Kevin, Ann, Ju

Actor/actresses: Hajer, Anis, Ju, Ann, Kevin, Akma

Script: Kevin, Ann

WARNING!

Operation successful!

The Orange that Tasted Like Lemon

2010-11-16T19:40:00.005+08:00

Sweetness of an orange,

Slight sourness of a lemon,

Although we have specific taste buds on our tongue,

We still can't distinguish it fully,

Just like our minds in deciding what's good,

what's bad...

Though,

our facial expression would expressed,

just like how our body react to what we may not know,

it's just a natural reflex,

hidden deep somewhere in the limbic system...

I guess.

The sweetness of an orange,

the partial sourness of a lemon comes with it sometimes,

that infinitesimal low pH taste still overrides the sweetness.

Just like how a bad deed is amplified over the goods that you've done so far.

Funny but that's reality

But sometimes,

when you caught a cold,

you lost that special sensory,

that distinguish such detailed information on your tongue.

Everything is back to basics,

just getting enough nutrition for life,

not judging or analysing what's good or bad,

just like our minds,

when immunity is down,

everything is back to basic physiology of trying to survive,

survive the everyday life.

I'm not saying that I like to be sick,

but sickness is the chance to prove others about your true inner self,

not being evaluated, judged, or analysed,

things can be so simple,

back to the innocent days of childhood,

where everyone's a gift from heaven,

waiting for time to cycle through...

I swear I was still like that three years ago (2007)...

still can be,

no?

Blissfulness

Addie

(1 more exam to go...)

Summer Scent Rain

2010-11-15T12:30:00.006+08:00

Addressed to: Myself in future's time...

Woke up in the morning thinking it was late already...

But when I looked into my phone --> 6.23 a.m > WTF?

I swear I slept really well,

coz' I didn't use my favourite blanket to sleep,

so I felt good for achieving deep sleep stage!

Then I went out to kitchen,

read the shopping catalogues for like 30 minutes 0.o

then had an Indian breakfast

and prep up for university...

So freakin' hot and at the moment,

I wished it would rain later when I am coming back.

At that moment,

I really feel like getting rained on...for some weird reasons,

just wash me away from the haunting of the past...

Walking to university,

lots of thoughts came into my head while I was listening to a medley.

Being by the beach,

Giving you a piggyback ride,

And filming it would suit perfectly with this medley...I smiled.

At university, everything went accordingly.

Even met my uni juniors and friends who were having exams,

Kinda wish them good luck,

and they wished me too,

although I was honest and told them I wasn't prepared,

but they assumed I was joking and told me I'll do fine.

Reassuring?

Not a bit...

Walking to the library to retrieve some books to prepare,

Wow, my course-mates were there,

Holding their heads while looking through their notes,

Periculum to the max!

But I understand, I would've done that to if I can,

but I just need to focus...

Was about to go home,

All in my mind was hopefully study,

Then saw my friend came walking towards me,

She wanted to get some chips, so I just tagged along.

Chatted for a while, didn't knew that she was experiencing the same things,

Felt relieved and convinced that I wasn't a nutcase after all.

Slowly, we walk back, diverging halfway to our respective destinations - Home.

Carrying 3 books in my hand,

With sunglasses on my head,

I looked up the cloudy sky,

Thinking about the wish I made before,

I felt it comforting...as fine droplets of water feathered down from the sky.

The smell of rain and the feeling of summer...

Soothing but yet somewhat melancholic.

An old man with a stick walked out from his crib,

Reaching for the letterbox like it was important.

The round mark on his head,

gave me a glimpse of a craniectomy.

That moment, I felt I was substantial...to a certain degree.

All I have to do now is try my best,

As when I develop with age,

I could tell myself,

that I've done my best...

Don't blame the 21 year old self...

Everyone's in the rain sometimes,

don't let it soak up your emotion,

take it in and grow,

just like plants...

Grow...

Addie

Periculum

2010-11-14T18:46:00.002+08:00

What am I doing?

What was I like before doing this?

Why am I doing this?

Can I continue like this?

Why am I doing this to myself?

These questions were raised because of the periculum inside of me.

I have no idea why every time when I met something challenging,

I would try like hell to procrastinate,

sometimes,

I do not even have to try to do that, it just happens naturally.

If there was a major of procrastination,

I would excel in it.

Is this a sign from my deepest inner side?

Or,

Is this just a habit brought from young?

Periculum...

продолжение следует

Fear

2010-11-13T19:07:00.004+08:00

Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat or harm.

Everyone has a specific stimulus to trigger fear and anxiety attacks.

The amygdala is responsible for the pathophysiology of fear,

wahaha medical student syndrome...

What's mine? Hmm...

I think I might be fearless hahaha

Go on, grill me all you want, I might be scared of something...

I am a human being after all...

SIGH~

No...I wished I wasn't hahaha

Computer: What animal do you fear the most?

Umm, those that can gobble me up...

Computer: What activity do you fear the most?

Diving in a dark cold deep sea...

Computer: What people do you fear the most?

Murderers

Computer: What do you fear the most emotionally?

When mistakes are irreversible...

Computer: What was your biggest fear you had ever experienced?

Dealing with the Ouija board and the night after that

Computer: Do you still fear your fears?

......I

.......can't...?

To be continued...

Au Revoir

2010-11-07T18:04:00.008+08:00

Goodbye to the innocence,

Goodbye to the simplicity,

Goodbye to the naivety,

Goodbye to the purity,

Goodbye to the sincerity,

Goodbye to the insanity,

All was forced out as the hand of the clock moves on,

What's next?

Goodbye to the happy family,

Goodbye to the wonderful school life,

Goodbye to the puppy first love,

Goodbye to the flexible gymnast,

Goodbye to the nerdy geek,

Goodbye to the quiet kid,

Goodbye to the acne and zits,

How do I grief when there's so much things to bid farewell to?

Well, actually, underneath all that,

These are still within me,

And using it to build a better life

Ahead.

So,

Au Revoir,

Goodbye to You...

Although I'm no good in goodbyes, but I'll bare with it.

Isn't that what everyone's going through?

P.S Wishing myself all the best in exams

Addie

Counting the Days

2010-10-23T19:27:00.002+08:00

Another week to go before November,

a month of examinations and to finish everything,

before the holiday month of December...

24th Oct to 17th Nov

Finishing all assignments...and

Pretty much cramming and doing the examinations

18th Nov

Ethics video presentation!

Premiere of "M.E.D.I"

19th Nov to 3oth Nov

Packing and looking for a new home

1st Dec

Let the holidays peak!!!

Why am I still procrastinating my assignments and studies??

It really sucks to have the will to do it, but the mind doesn't go with it...

Must start immediately!!!

~Wish me luck~

I've Heard Those Songs

2010-10-21T19:51:00.005+08:00

From Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,

it shines for A Whole New World,

while My Heart Will Go On.

Even after The Day You Went Away,

From the Bottom of My Broken Heart,

I would still like to Thank You,

coz you made me Stronger.

Moving into being a Teenage Dirtbag,

Sometimes,

I feel Barenaked,

I feel Stranded,

just Try Again and again to be a Survivor.

In the end,

it can be Complicated,

Just Like A Pill,

it can be Crazy,

but it Showed Me The Meaning of Being Lonely,

and guided me to the Way Back Into Love.

Eventually,

I was Torn and Hurt,

Occasionally I get Breathless,

being a Lovefool,

thinking Love Don't Cost A Thing,

when All I Have was Love.

Nobody Wants To Be Lonely,

At the End of The Day,

it's okay to do Something Stupid,

All You Wanted was somebody who cares.

Underneath Your Clothes,

Under the Surface,

When You Say Nothing At All,

feels like Flying Without Wings,

shouting I'm Like A Bird internally.

If you can Break The Ice,

And see From The Inside,

Ignoring all the Wrong Impression,

You're my Hero.

21/10/10

Can I go now?

If Tomorrow Never Comes...Don't Save Me

Addie

Dysphasia

2010-10-20T20:31:00.004+08:00

At the crack of the day,

I woke up from my deepest fantasy which felt so real.

Makes me wonder where to draw the line between reality and fantasy.

Haven't been sleeping well recently, just couldn't...

It must be the weather?

It must be the university workload?

It must be the incompetence of fulfilling studies?

It must be the social relationships?

It must be the environment?

It must be?

It's funny about the contradictory of having such a strong

definite word with a question mark.

I really want to do well.

I really want to excel.

But how can I do well?

When I fell into the deepest well,

Will I still stay and dwell?

Or release myself from this lazy cell.

Only me myself can tell,

Only me myself can ring the bell,

That brings the goodness of heaven to hell.

Tomorrow's a better day?

Let's hope so...

To be discovered...

All About Me

2010-10-13T17:33:00.003+08:00

Just felt like being grilled and someone sent me a survey in my junk mail.
So why not entertain the anonymous sender haha.

What were you doing at 11 last night?

Procrastinating

Do you think you and your best friend will be friends in 10 years?

Most probably yes

What could you eat any day of the week and never get tired of?

CHIPS with a dash of chicken salt!!!

What's the craziest thing you've done?

Hike Mount Kinabalu (4196.2 m) at 4 am and the first to reach the peak!

Someone knocks on your window at 5am, what do you say?

Who's there? Can I help you?

Funniest thing that happened in the last 24 hours?

Lecturer explaining what hysteric really means...

Do you have any plans for the weekend?
Work and maybe check out Jennifer Hawkins at Charlestown on Saturday

Would you change yourself for the person you love?

If it's impossible, they'll just have to accept me the way I am

Let me guess, your last incoming call was from the opposite sex?

Yes

Would you kiss anyone you have texts from in your phone?

Definitely

Do you find drinking unattractive?

Social is fine, but binge drinking is a total turn off!

When was the last time something bothered you?

That something never leaves me...

Do you know how to work a computer well??

Moderately, I detest slow computers...

Is it more common for you to follow your heart or your mind?

Depends...I've taken the risks

Six months ago, can you remember who you liked, who was it?

Nope, no one in my mind...

Do you like to hold hands?

Always try to...

Anything embarrassing happen today?

I was using a computer in the library and suddenly it roared from the inside for quite a while...

Would you ever go on a game show if you were offered?

Yeh sure, who wouldn't like some fame?

What does your phone do when it receives a new text?

"Stay with me~Anata wa kitto kitto" by my voice

Has anyone ever done mean things to you while you were sleeping?

Poured cold water onto me when i was 10...

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

Sort of, but still not everything...

Would you rather be at the beach or lake?

Beach when I feel happy, lake if I wanna just chill out...

Last thing you spent money on?

Optus Recharge Voucher...bugger

What are you doing after this?

Hopefully study a bit...

Your song of the week?

Jennifer Love Hewitt - I'm Gonna Love You

Have you ever cried from being so mad?

I was blamed for something I didn't do when I was 13...

Are you happy with the choices you've made?

What can I do? I have to be happy

I bet you miss someone, huh?

Everyone does...

Would you rather be forced to eat 100 bananas or 100 apples?

100 Fuji Apples

Have you dated the person you texted last?

No, but there may be a day...

Is good grammar attractive?

As long as it connects...

Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

Not much...

What is today's date?

13/10/2010

Has anyone ever sang to you?

I'm the one always singing to others...

What is your favorite color?

Yellow

What color are your eyes?

Dark brown

How tall are you?

178cm...

If you could have one wish right now what would it be?

I wish there wasn't only one wish...

When is your birthday?

27th December

Who is the 9th contact in your phone?
Course Mate Akma

Ever liked someone who treated you like crap?

During high school...

If you could spend more time with someone you used to be very close with, would you?
Just let it flow...

Could you go a day without eating?

Maybe...if I sleep through it

What are you excited for?

Perfection

Would you date an 18 year old at the age you are now?

Why not

What are you listening to now?

Night sound of crickets

Would you take someone back if they cheated on you?

If they told me the reason why genuinely and promise not to again.

Have you ever dyed your hair?

With ammonia free dyes only

How many windows are open on your computer?

3- MSN, Skype, Google Chrome

Anything you really want?

Love, support and hugs

How many pillows do you sleep with?

One good memory pillow and a hugging pillow

Can you have more than one best friend?

Maybe...haven't tried

What was last thing you drank?

Sunkist Soda

What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider?

Hot chocolate, not big for alcohol

Who last texted you?

Felix

Who did you last text?

Felix

Do you know anyone whose pregnant?

My patients??

What do you want right now?

Motivation

Music Shuffle: 25 Questions

2010-10-13T15:25:00.002+08:00

Rules:

1. Open up any media player and put it on shuffle
2. Answer each question by posting the song title and band
3. POST NO MATTER HOW STUPID IT SEEMS TO YOU!
4. Don't cheat and try not skipping over any questions
5. Tag 3 people

________________

1. If someone stole your favorite item, what would you yell out of anger?
So, this is the real you - Cyndi Wang

2. You trip and fall in front of your crush, they say:
You get me - Michelle Branch

3. A moment of disappointment hits you, what do you mutter?
I Love You Forever - Jewel

4. If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?
The Third Person - Fish Leung

5. What's the best way to describe your closest friend?
Despite that, I know - Mayday

6. Best movie of all time?
Stranded - Jennifer Paige

7. Best make-out spot to take someone?
Crybaby - Jiang Mei Qi

8. A song that would play during a wicked torturing of your enemies?
Feelin' So Good - Jennifer Lopez

9. A theme song that would play everytime your parent(s) enter a room?
Red Bean - Faye Wong

10. You're walking home and you find 20 bucks, what you you say?
SuperStar - Kim Ah Jung

11. Your Theme song?
Eternal loneliness - Rene Liu

12. The end of the world is near, your reaction?
There's you - Fish Leong

13. A good song to kill to?
21 Guns - Green Day

14. Someone broke your heart, what will you do now?
Hurts to breathe - Fish Leong

15. Your make-out song?
Cosy in the Rocket- PSAPP (Grey's Anatomy theme)

16. You punch someone in the face, what do they cry out?
Love for you - Genie Zhuo

17. A rock is thrown through your window with a note on it. It says?
Gong Xi Fa Cai - Andy Lau

18. Someone compliments you on something, your reply?
Longing - Aki Huang & Yuan Wei Ren

19. What does the world and everyone in it think of you?
When you think of me - Victor Wong + Sinje Lee

20. An opening fight scene song?
Suddenly missing you - Mayday

21. If you where one of the 7 sins... which would you be?
After breakup we can still be friends - Happy Boy

22. Your favorite bedtime story?
Don't you gift me with flowers - Rene Liu

23. The song you'll make your husbund/wife dance to when you get married?
Present - Ranma 1/2

24. You and a friend are trapped on an island, how will you decide leadership?
The event of possibility - FanFan + Angela Zhang

25. How will people remember you when you're dead and gone?
Way Back Into Love - Hugh Grant + Demi Moore

Kevin Tang featuring ???- Cupidtised [Original]

2010-06-11T21:26:00.005+08:00

Written on the journey back from Eastwood to Newcastle.
It was actually my first duet song I written.
'Cupidtized' is a word I created, from base word of cupid (a love angel shooting arrows of love)
I didn't realize that I'm writing a duet at first, but as I advanced, it sounded better with another female counterpart to make this song flow. Currently I have not get hold of any female singer but when I do, I shall record it =)

Composed and Lyrics by Kevin Tang.

(Boy)
Saw a reflection in the sky,
Did not realise,
Why it is dark and yet so bright?
Then I saw you in my eyes,
Did not realise,
Why am I so freakin' high?

{Pre-Chorus}
It must be,
The weather in the sky.
It could be,
My mind~

Didn't know that I would like,
Someone in your likes,
Oh girl, I cannot hide,
With that round and flashy eyes,
You've got me mesmerised.
I think I've got cupidtised.

[Girl]
Saw a lightning in the sky,
Did not realise,
Why is it loud and yet so quiet?
Then I saw you just outside,
Did not realise,
Why am I so hypnotised?

Repeat {Pre-Chorus}

Didn't know that I would like,
Someone in your likes,
Oh boy, I cannot hide,
With that cute and puppy eyes,
You've got me mesmerised.
I think I've got cupidtised.

<Together>
(Run along,)
[I kept running on.]
<Didn't know you're behind~
Chasing me on~>

[Didn't know that I would like,] (I would like)
[Someone in your likes,] (You're my kind)
[Baby, I just cannot hide,] (So don't hide)
[With that cute and sexy eyes,] (It's those eyes)
[You've got me mesmerised.] (Mesmerised)
<I think I've got cupidtised.> (Cupidtised)

<Hey angels be our guide,
Cupids will be fine,
Baby, we cannot deny.
With that blue and shiny eyes,
You've got us mesmerised.
I think we've got cupidtised.>

(Yeah~ Cupidtised) x3
[Huhuwu~]

END

Kevin Tang- I'm Sorry [Original]

2010-06-10T10:01:00.003+08:00

This song is partly written in the train journey after exams, kinda feel obligated to apologise to myself for not remembering anything necessary to fill in the exam paper...

And I completed the other half at Macquarie Library during study breaks.

Lyrics and Composed by Kevin Tang

White clouds,

Blue skies,

Wonder if they collide?

My heart,

Still burns,

Looking into your eyes.

Following the pace of your heartbeat,

Trying to complete your incomplete,

I'm weak,

Couldn't see,

The grey clouds coming...

Pouring...

CHORUS

I'm Sorry~ So sorry~

Don't leave me~ (Believe Me~)

My honey~ So sorry~

Come to me~ (Be with me~)

White sounds,

Dark nights,

Wonder if that I'm fine?

My heart,

Still yearns,

Analysing my lies...

Following the pace of my heartbeat,

Trying to complete my incomplete,

In defeat,

Couldn't see,

The front door shutting...

Thinking...

Repeat CHORUS

I'm so confused.

Why had you refused?

Repeat (CHORUS)

I'm sorry...(x3)

END (Fade out effect)

Kevin Tang- Train Story [Original]

2010-06-09T15:30:00.007+08:00

After the insanely bullcrapping second examination, I decided to leave this sad place and this was written on the train journey, from Newcastle to Eastwood.

Lyrics and Composed by Kevin Tang

Going through the traffic lights,

Looking at the clear blue sky,

Came across you,

Caught my eye,

You're so fine,

I'm mesmerised.

Goodbye~

The story ends here,

coz it's not my stop.

Yellow leaves were blown outside,

Sunlight shined on something fine,

There you were,

Caught my eye,

Looked so hot,

No faulty spots.

Goodbye~

The story ends here,

coz it's not my stop.

Travel into the tunnel,

All I can see is me by the window,

How I wish that I could meet 'you'.

Just randomly would be so good,

At least I could start something new.

A ray of sunlight bursting in,

A trance in heaven rushing in,

Time to get down,

It's my stop.

Saw 'you' there,

without a doubt.

Oh My~

I didn't thought that,

this'd be my last stop...

I wanna tell you,

...stranger,

Don't think I'll deny that

You're my kind~

END

Dream #01- A tested situation

2010-06-07T10:41:00.007+08:00

Dreams for me have been a relevant topic in my life.
Since childhood, dreams are often made memorable, even after waking up.
But this is the first time I would like to share it on my blog...and more yet to come.

Dream #01 [07 June 2010]

Is it me or I feel insecure?
It started with me, going to an examination, and I was kinda panicky and stressed out.
At the exam hall, it seems that they have ran out of exam rooms and I was told to wait.
So, I went to a bookstore nearby, a mysterious and pleasant one, with a pretty shopkeeper.
There were books, toys, unusual gadgets and lifestyle items.
What I remembered holding is a blue purple voluptuous rabbit wizard artifact.
The shopkeeper looked worried as I picked it up, but I thought she was just worried of me breaking it and nothing else. It was glittering as I hold it up, I thought it was a music box or a good luck charm.
To my amusement, I asked her about the price and she mumbled,

"Once broken, considered sold..."

She smiled seductively, as I place the artifact back to its place. Telling her that I wasn't intending to buy it anyway.

Just at that moment, some of my course mates came into the shop discussing about the exams...so I left and went back to the exam hall to see if I'm going in next.
To my delight, I was told to come in tomorrow instead and they've booked me in as well.
I find it weird at first, thinking since when do students need to make a booking for examination spots?

So, I went back home, wondering why...but not for long, I was lost in a pile of books instead of thinking about that.
Tomorrow comes and I went for the exams...and to my surprise, the exam coordinator told me that I've already taken my test yesterday and even for today, my spot is already been filled by myself...
I didn't believe it and went into the exam hall to see it for myself, and there it was...another me sitting for the exams...at that moment...I blacked out...

In the dark, I heard a chime...and I remember I've heard it somewhere...I woke up and saw myself, but it was just a reflection on the mirror ceiling. Then, my phone rang and a girl's voice said...

"Remember to take your medicine..."

As the sunlight barges into my room, I am awake in reality...

Kevin Tang- The Cut After the First [Original-Clear cut audio demo]

2010-06-04T12:07:00.002+08:00

The voice solo audio version with karaoke lyrics.
The opening of the song contains a chorus verse from Sheryl Crow's / Rod Stewart's
"The First Cut is the Deepest"

Thank you for listening!

Procrastination continues...

2010-06-03T23:58:00.004+08:00

Seriously, I think I can be classified as a major procrastinator.
If there's a challenge of who will be the best procrastinator, I think I can see myself winning it.
But I don't feel like thinking of it...I'm gonna try to study as hard as possible.

Plans to initiate:

Stop surfing YouTube, Facebook and other random crap.
Block the melody in my head.
Stop bludging around, listening to music.
Stop finding excuses to not start studying.
Get a friend to check up on my progress.
Do the past year exam questions to freak myself out on how dumb I am.
No craving for horror games.
Decrease online chatting with random people (unless they're your friends)
Avoid spacing out thinking of people who won't care about myself.
Go to the library to get freaked out by colleagues on how much they know.

So, I'll let the first step now, by signing off.

OH GOD or whatever that has something to do with good luck, please let me score for this exams! I don't ever wanna repeat this boring semester!

But I've to rely on my own...BULK UP~

Laziness is intolerable!!!
Work hard for 2 weeks and 1 month holiday!!!
LET"S DO THIS!!!

PMS- Procrastinating Medical Studies

2010-06-02T21:45:00.003+08:00

I'm kinda lazy to start to revise my studies before the exams...LoL

Need to stop procrastinating or I'll end up repeating my year of studies...which will be catastrophic~

Got sidetracked so easily, damn!

Wish me luck!

Time to start hardcore studies!

Cheerios!

Ventriloquism- My Noisy Room Mate

2010-06-02T18:52:00.000+08:00

My first ventriloquism that I have done with my 'room mate' Blackie. A scene where Blackie is bugging me from studying for the examinations, whining about his hunger and pissing me off~

Kevin Tang- You're My Kind [Original]

2010-06-01T23:53:00.005+08:00

2nd English song (Yet to be recorded due to exam season)
Composer: Kevin Tang
Lyrics: Kevin Tang

Sometimes I think that you're too kind,
Sometimes I think that I'm so blind,
to not think,
that you're one of a kind.

That night, I felt so out of line,
You came and said that I'll be fine,
Just be strong,
and I'll survive.

Telling me all your storyline,
Baking me treats that were so fine,
And yet,
I did not notice why~

CHORUS
#All this while I know I've been so blind,
To notice all the signs you left behind,
Maybe I'm outta my mind, my mind~

I don't wanna make or tell you lies,
I don't wanna hide my love inside,
I don't wanna lose you,
Be by my side~#

RAP
Hey girl, wasn't confident at first,
Didn't thought that we have the same thrist.
Hey girl, I'm about to burst,
Follow me to the end of the universe~

Repeat #CHORUS#

Together hand in hand we'll be just fine,
I promise that for you, I'll sacrifice,
I just wanna let you know,
You're my kind~
Oh, yeah, you're my kind~

Kevin Tang- The Cut After The First [Original]

2010-05-31T21:50:00.002+08:00

A song composed and performed by Kevin Tang.

Lyrics:-

This happened during high school,

When I confess my love to you.

You were with him~

And then after a year or two,

You came to me with tears and you,

Want to be with me~

And after a while you,

I don't know where have you gone to,

And when I searched, it was him with you.

CHORUS

Yeah~ The cut after the first,

Oh~ The cut after the first,

When they say (A song said),

the first cut supposed to be the deepest.

Mm~ The cut after the first (Now I realized)

Oh~ The cut after the first (It's just too late for me)

Well I think (To know that),

The cut after the first

The cut after the first is deeper

I don't know what to do

Why have you re-open my wound?

When I thought that you love me~

(Repeat chorus)

And the story ends,

You abandoned me.

Left me here alone with my fantasy.

Finally, the wound will start to heal,

And I'll forgive you.

Thank you for listening to my first english composition.

Apple of an eye

2009-12-02T08:29:00.005+08:00

Eyes are organs that detect light, and send electrical impulses along the optic nerve to the visual and other areas of the brain....bla bla bla, enough of the scientific side of eyes, what I am trying to relate is the detecting light and sending electrical impulses part- but not along the optic nerves, however is the electrical impulses sent to other eyes, which in short known as eye contact.

Have you ever walk on the street giving an eye to some strangers?
Have you ever receive any eye from some unknown people?
What matters is that do you ever enjoy being an apple of their eye?
To me, there are 3 groups of people in the eye-ing business. I am kinda a mix of 1 and 3, you'll figure out soon why.

A person who electrocutes without trying
A person who tries but could not electrocute
A person who can only able to electrocute a certain group of people

Aside from the electrical impulses, sometimes there's a transcription hidden within it. According to my 'eye-servation', most of the time, these are the messages...
Hey, cutie; Wanna hang out?; Dang, you're hot!; I'm horny for you...

Maybe I am being a stereotype, but my eye-servation detected that you can rarely get an affectionate transcription out of those windows to a lusty soul. Me? I guess I do transend something like this sometimes, I am a normal being after all. But I try not to eye out the wrong message, but with the laugh lines around my eye, it just makes it harder not to, especially when you have a pair of smiling eyes.

Recently, I feel that my eyes are putting me in deep waters (yeah, right~) , in shopping malls, trains, bus...basically everywhere. Even when my lips are not curved, the 'smize' is out. (Criteria of Group 1) My eyes always work on certain people (80%) and others (20%) (Criteria of Group 3) I think I have to figure my eye out before getting myself into hook ups which I am not interested in doing...

Guess a pair of sunnies would help, but I don't like wearing them, makes me look like a bug. Oh well, at least the deep water is like an oasis, in the middle of a desert. I just have to keep myself safe and not drown XD.

Can you feel the EYE?
Try it yourself, do an EYE-servation and get an EYE-ful today!

Melancholy of a waiter

2009-10-23T00:13:00.002+08:00

Been working at a restaurant since August 2008 as a waiter and it was really sudden last year when I decided to work which I kinda regreted but just gonna go with the flow.

The thing that I dislike is being the lazy stereotype in the bunch, I used to work so hard but then I've came to a point and realised, that I am here to study, not to earn bits of money.

But I was kinda relieved when they decided to use less of me, coz study is important and I don't want to risk my tuition fees over a few petty cash.

However, they started to call me and beg me to work now- which is like the most crucial season for examination preparations. But I think people are just being people (Refer to Little Pigeon)

Well, I will not give a damn soon, coz my finals are just 20 days away. My tuition fees surpasses most or all of the staff in the restaurant, so I am not taking the risk.Not gonna be a puppet anymore =)

Go 凯文！Fight the negativity and score!

Clone Me

2009-10-20T16:07:00.006+08:00

Been busy with performing, work, assignments and studies, feel like wanna clone myself to manage everything.
I always dream of being a twin brother...at least someone to hear me out and understands me.

Just got notified by my friend who WAS planning to be my room mate next year.
Due to parental advice, he is not gonna move in with me...now who the hell am I gonna find?
Just feel like cloning myself more...

Not restricting just to twins, triplets now haha but I think, the more the merrier.

A great skill to learn just before handing in an assignment...and facing the exams
Way to go...haha

But in the end, everything had to be done independently.
That's the reality of life
...but
I still wish to be one of a twin
=p

Little Pigeon

2009-10-17T20:42:00.004+08:00

Little pigeon by its nest,
Peeking down from the crest,
Planning to migrate to the best,
Knotty thoughts kept in chest,
Extended wings and internal test,
To assimilate itself with the rest.

Little pigeon always in zest,
Aiding ally and cleaning the mess,
Naivety among the contemptuous infest,
Recollection of kindness mysteriously less,
Remembered for being a pest,
Aide memoire for a reality test,
And buckle on the safety vest.

Little pigeon by the goblet,
Laments over the infests' secret,
Agitated but still a puppet.
Congested fluid in the faucet,
Waiting for its longing starlet,
Veiled from the atrocious silhouette.

Written by Tang Hoi Mun
17th October 2009
Copyright law reserved

Ambiguity

2009-10-10T21:59:00.006+08:00

Wooden planks by the wall,
Coupled to an awkward flaw.
A petty defect closed the door,
Of shallow neighbors who judge it all.

Curved lips and opened doors,
Plummeting hair for an hour more,
Budding hopefulness for aficionado,
Ended up as the shallow neighbors.

Cluttered pieces on the floor,
Begging for the scholar's gnaw,
The time ticks and never snores,
Ensuing to a scanty lore.

Mighty vision states it all,
But clouded by the upper core.
The witness shall not be in awe,
To depart from the misty shore.

written by Hoi-Mun Tang
11th October 2009

End of Spring Break

2009-10-10T12:21:00.000+08:00

2 weeks of holidays is gone, just in a nick of a time.

Feel devastated that I barely even study or finish my assignments.
All I did was eat, sleep, movies and gaming.
Hopefully I can get my motivation back as soon as possible because it's gonna be a hectic month of crazy studies preparing for examinations...

Through the holidays, play is dominant than studies...

26th Sept - Bizi's open house
27th Sept - Performed in Sydney
30th Sept - Kimian's open house & Mok's birthday
1st Oct - Turana Parade visit
2nd Oct - Ethics videos production, Uni Drive open house and art galleries tour
3rd Oct - Mid Autumn Party @ Lydia's
4th Oct - More work
5th Oct- Dinner with GEN Education Agents
6th Oct - Went library to start my assignments
8th Oct - Dikir Barat BBQ Gathering
9th Oct - Khai Chi's graduation party
11th Oct - Australian BBQ Party @ Joanne's

Too much events happening, haha hopefully I'll feel bad soon and finish off everything and get through the examinations and have a well-deserved holidays.

At least I resurrected this outdated blog to make things sound nicer.
Gonna keep up the good work, gonna go eat breakfast/ lunch first although I woke up at 9.30am but always ended up having late breakfast...need someone with me to nag me =)

Hopefully...positively...someday

Awakening?

2009-10-09T11:28:00.006+08:00

Currently starting up the engine of this blog
At the meantime, most updates are available @ http://www.wretch.cc/blog/kevinqool
This blog had been sleeping for more than a year now, waiting to be awaken...
...
To be announced
by
Addie Tang
09.10.2009

第101期

2008-06-23T21:48:00.003+08:00

Nuff said, continuing the chart frenzy~

Recommendations
Lafite- Composer, Lyrics and Video Director- Penny Tai
Expressing the subconsciousness of people who had a few alcohol drinks elegantly- Lafite

Me? I had been drinking (which weirdly is a custom for medicine students) but I am trying to avoid being alcoholic. One more test to go then I'll have 3 weeks of holiday~

Not sure if I can avoid from alcohol, which most of my friends would offer to me after exams...

My First Own Electronic Chart

2008-06-19T11:23:00.005+08:00

Making music charts of my favourite songs had been one of my leisures starting from 2004, but after 2006, I had not been making up any charts, me and my sister used to play as host of the chart and we had fun, heh heh.

So, after a stressful period of examinations, I just made the chart up electronically and it's nicer than I imagined. So, here it is. My first electronic Top 20 Chinese Hits.

Pretty cool eh?

Till next time...

It's been 6 months

2006-12-26T22:22:00.003+08:00

Wow, it's been six month since I updated my blog. Well, I admit that I was in a busy year 2006 and now it is coming to an end. Not before I turn 18 though. Hehe.

Since July, I was busy with my studies, work, relationships, and into more and even more express myself as my age comes to a sweet eighteen time.

It was truly a full and packed year I had. And I am very blessed and thankful for getting it, many lesson learnt, exposed to adulthood, getting to know more as an individual living on one in a million stars and in a colony of galaxies, which is the Earth.

July til September 2006
-Study, study and more studies
-Getting to know more friends
-Deepen the experience as an individual in his own way to achieve destiny and ambition
-Think, imagine, and more of using brain power

October and November 2006
-Worked at a bontique fair selling apparels
-Exposed to work environment, met new friends and we worked together
-Now know what is the meaning of office conflict and fear of it
-Earning some cash isn't that simple
-Learnt about different human characteristics or double personality peoples
-My patience is beyond limits
-My presense can ease uneasiness in the surroundings
-Every word had to be filtered before coming out from mouth
-To get something, you must first let go of something
-To realize that I've been such a lazy bum all these years
-Laptops are pretty handy: burning CDs, quick access, nice display

All crews before opening time of the mall

Worked in shop lot in November, taking a break behind the fitting room

December 2006
-Worked till 15th December
-4th Dec, mum's birthday
-20th Dec, sister's birthday, start of a relationship
-Times really FLIES very fast!
-First time to ever confess directly to a girl
-21th Dec to 25th Dec, a trip to Cambodia
-Merry X'mas or just an ordinary day to me
-Anticipated celebration on 27th Dec

Working in December, with a hohoho hat

An escape to Cambodia through Air Asia, looking down the double layered window

Angkor Wat, one of world's seventh wonder, I wonder...

Bayon Temple in Angkor Thom, faces in the temple keeps me puzzled of this natural heritage, how long had it last and when will someone who had the same feeling with me visit it

First time ever to feel so confident running along the street and glares of eyes on me. I am now at the top of world~ hehe, still in Angkor Wat though ^^

Time really past with a 'blink' of an eye. Wishing 2006 will end beautifully, flawlessly. And hope a lucky and packed with happy surprises awaits me in 2007.

On 27th December, I will blow off 18 lit-candles on a mouth-watering cake and before that I will make a wish...hopes it will come true, hehe.

END OF FANTASTIC YEAR 2006

BEGINNING OF ANTICIPATED YEAR 2007

I'm 17.5 today~

2006-06-27T09:43:00.000+08:00

Another half a year before I can really step in to the world of an 'adult'. The word 'adult' still is unfarmiliar to me. Maybe because of the 'kid' in me still haven't ready to say goodbye to me.
The term adult describes any mature organism, but normally it refers to a human: one that is no longer a child / minor and is now either a man or a woman. Coming of age is the event of becoming an adult, i.e. of entering adulthood. Historically, adulthood has been determined by puberty, which is physical or biological adulthood; passing a series of tests to demonstrate the child is prepared for adulthood; or reaching a specified age, sometimes in conjunction with demonstrating preparation. Most modern societies determine legal adulthood based on reaching a legally-specified age without requiring a demonstration of physical maturity or preparation for adulthood.
The legal definition of entering adulthood usually varies between ages 16-21, depending on the region in question. Some cultures in Africa define adult at age 13, and the Indians of Guatemala consider adulthood at age 10.
In the modern world, often the age is 18. Exceptions:

16: Scotland
17: Indonesia
19: South Korea
20: Japan

Well. for me, I'm not sure yet. I'm still as playful and naughty as ever. ^_^
This few days, I was watching the FIFA world cup till I got panda eyes. But it was exciting and fun to watch. Already half way through the 16-matches. Really getting the hang of it. At the end here, I'll post up the video entitled, " I'm Just a Kid." by Simple Plan.

ENJOY THE YOUTH WHILE YOU STILL CAN BEFORE ENTERING ADULTHOOD

High-sensitivity syndrome

2006-06-12T10:00:00.001+08:00

The sensitivity or insensitivity of a human,

often considered with regard to a particular kind of stimulus,

is the strength of the feeling it results in,

in comparison with the strength of the stimulus.

The concept applies to physical as well as emotional feeling.

If your sensitivity is on the right level, you will react appropriately to the emotions or situation of other people, tactful.

If you are too sensitive,

you meet these situations like rapid perception with the senses, reacting to small changes.

You feel offended even if the matter is a small fry.

This will lead to sleeping problems, losing of appetite and weak.

Another situation is that you will feel readily getting upset or hurt although the other people did not do anything seriously wrong.

If it is lethal, it may bring to suicide.

So, chill down your sensitivity neuron system and relax,

try not to think too much and do the activities you like.

There's nothing wrong being solitude if you really can't communicate or easy to get hurt although there is just a small misunderstood.

In the end, I will tag in a music video from

Rainie Yang's, " Sensitive ". ( Guo Min )

It's a mandarin song and it tells a story of a girl being too sensitive which leads to breakage in her love relationship.

Enjoy!

THE SAD MEMORIES IS TO FORGET THAN TO REMEMBER

2006

Stranded in the field of emotions

2006-06-11T22:45:00.000+08:00

Hmm, where am I? I'm clueless. I'm like marooned on an unknown place with nothing but only memories, the past that I feel anxious and unsecure. Am I just too sensitive or something else? This remains a mystery to me.
In the weekends, I spent my time watching concerts, enjoy world cup matches, surfing the web, eat, sleep and sometimes I just feel like singing a few songs I like. Walking in the crowd, I kept looking around at different kinds of people and sometimes I eventually imagine myself as that particular person in the crowd and try to see how they see me in their minds. Well, handsome? Tall? Arrogant? Or even look like a sucker. Although they won't say it out, you can still see it from their facial expressions. This is called nonverbal communication.
Actually, maybe they did not see us as in what we think. Sometimes we interpret a wrong facial expression and started to feel bad of ourselves. The most important is not what they say about us, is the way we interpret their opinions and views. If we interpret it as a positive factor, then hapy it is. If in the other hand, feeling down as we can be. So why we get frustated with other people's view anyway? They are not the one who can control our feelings or emotions, it is us, ourselves who determine what emotion should we go through. Take their opinions and if we are personally wrong, then change, what wrong with a change? It's we that what ourselves to improve, not that we turn over a new leaf just because for that particular opinion.
So, people, live your life to the fullest and be confident to yourself. Don't get easily beaten or discourage by just a person that may not understand you.

At the end, I would like to post up a few of songs. Hehe, I love these songs!!!
Jennifer Paige, " Stranded "

Garbage, " Cherry Lips "

LIVE FOR YOURSELF, DO NOT LIVE FOR SOMEONE ELSE

World Cup 2006 in Germany!!!

2006-06-09T21:02:00.000+08:00

Are you ready?
Are you ready for the hottest game show in the world?
And today the spirit of World Cup burns in the beautiful country of Germany in 2006.
Yup, and the 1st match will be between Germany & Costa Rica!!!
So, prepare yourself as Germany reach its climax today!!!
Millions will be watching this match from around the world!!!
The teams from different country will be striking for the GLORY and FAME for their own country and also to grab hold on the PURE GOLD WORLD CUP TROPHY!!!

GO GO GO!!! ALEH ALEH ALEH!!!
Who wouldn't go wild when we say about WORLD CUP.
And here I attached a clip that is suitable for the game that turns the world around.
Crazy Frog's " We Are The Champion " ( Ding A Dang Dong )

LET'S GET IT STARTED !!!!!

What do we really want?

2006-06-09T20:40:00.000+08:00

What do we want? An account of billions of money in the bank? Or a villa with a large outdoor landscape added with a few flashy sport cars? These features or properties seems to be everyone's dream when we are still in childhood.
But as we grow,our needs too grow into different forms according to our personalities that have been brought up since we are a baby. For example, for those who was born in a divorced, rich but busy family, most of them will be eager for others' people attention and care. As well for those who stayed in a house full of care and love would want freedom and independence. For those singles out there, they will be daydreaming of getting their life partner soon and in the other hand, those with partners face the problem daily and wish that they are still single. Weird right? These characteristics are very normal to be in a human being.
So, what do we really want? Since after we get the things we want, we will still want other than what we had wished for before we get what we want. In a nutshell, we must appreciate watever we get and we must be prepared that we are going to lose it one day. Give and take is the basic norms in a human lifestyle. If there no give, then you can't just keep taking. The cycle of give and take goes on and on. Then, what are you waiting for?
Strive hard for the things you want and remember to share it after we get what we want.

For closure, I include this music video by Michelle Branch, " All you wanted "

GRAB HOLD ON YOUR DREAMS AND YOU'LL ACHIEVE WHAT YOU WANT

Uncontrollable emotions

2006-06-09T17:28:00.000+08:00

Emotion, in its most general definition, is a neural impulse that moves an organism to action. Emotion is differentiated from feeling, in that, as noted, emotion is a psycho-physiological state that moves an organism to action. Feeling, on the other hand, is emotion that is filtered through the cognitive brain centers, specifically the frontal lobe, producing a physiological change in addition to the psycho-physiological change. ( sources from Wikipedia )
Okay, enough for the science explanation. Generally, can we really control our emotions? It normally depends on the environment of a person when growing up and how he or she was brought up. Some will ending up faking their tears on their pillow or finding it funny and silly. As everyone knows our EQ ( emotional intelligence ) is more important than our IQ ( intellectual intelligence ). So, understanding ourselves is the basic knowledge that we even find it hard to learn.
In a nutshell, I think that a system of identification that includes a recognition of the real differences people at different levels of giftedness feel and experience would be extremely helpful to them in better understanding themselves and developing their emotional intelligence earlier in life before so much confusion and pain have been experienced.

At the end, I enclosed the article with a song from Destiny's Child, " Emotion "

And lastly from a Singaporean chinese singer, JJ Lin's " Actually " ( mandarin song ) ( Yuan Lai )

UNDERSTAND YOURSELF BEFORE TRYING TO UNDERSTAND OTHERS

Listen here~!

2006-06-09T16:44:00.000+08:00

Dedicated to the my new friend that I cared. Wishing you will accept me back as your friend.
PEACE!!!

Let's not make things too COMPLICATED~

Let's heat things up with Avril Lavingne's " Complicated "

If you asked me to make a wish, I'll wish for FRIENDSHIP FOREVER between you and me.

Feeling weird...

2006-06-09T16:11:00.000+08:00

Phew~! Just came back from National Service and it was sure tense and tired there. But I really missed my friends back there. The experience will forever be remembered in my memories...
Well, just back from rural areas and now-back to the old busy days of the city. Just came back from the camp and I will go to a college near my home. Luckily I knew some fresh new friends and they really quite good. We immediately became a gang. But after a few days I sense something is going wrong between me and my new pals. There is a girl whom is very cheerful and open-minded when I first met her. Not long, she became cold, and started to avoid me. Weird? Well, I think having yourself exploit to a new environment where your old friends are not with you will be hazardous and may bring a failure friendship sice I am not a very good speaker.
Now, I finally understand that the world out there is opened to many complicated human relationships, not to mention the weird personalities of people. That why I am so eager to study psychology and I wanted to really understand why a person will behave or act like that. Maybe they are also afraid to get hurt out there, so they adapt themselves by changing their atitudes or act. But I seem to be a little over emotional when I meet such awkard situation.
In a nutshell, I hope she will accept me as a friend and that's all. I did not want her to have wild fantasies about my action and behaviour. I wish she could understand the voice inside my heart and don't treat me so cold anymore. That's all, be friends. I can't stand any longer when people gives me the look of hatred or discrimination. I also have my feelings. But if she continues like that, I have no choice but to just save myself from the psychological trap and don't think about it too seriously. So don't save me. Let the time prove everything.

This music video comes from the ex-M2M, Marit Larsen ( blonde hair last time )
New single entitled " Don't Save Me "
Enjoy~

Resurrection of the blog~!

2006-06-09T10:00:00.000+08:00

Wow, it's been a long long time since I updated this blog.
Well, I admit that I'm too busy these few months.
Busy with exams, working, and National Service in my country.
Now, at last I can now inhale some fresh air and time to restart my dull old blog. ^_^
Let's start the blog with a music video.
One of my favourites, Kelly Clarkson " Because of you "

Welcome to My Life !

2005-09-08T11:00:00.000+08:00

Lala... although it's like a bit late to create a new blog... heh heh. But anyway, thanks for just logging into this new born site. Hope you will like it. Thanks for your support !
Now, my biodata...hehe
Name: Tang Hoi Mun
Nickname: Addie ^_^
e-mail: addie_boy27@hotmail.com, addie5101@yahoo.com
Date of birth: 27th December
School: Sang Suria till Seri Suria ( 11 years )
Home: Near Leisure Mall, Cheras
Horoscope: Capricorn

Now I put some of my daily photo... hehe...

Welcome to my class in school~

My friends...from left; Giap, me, Mingzz

also my frenz...Grace...hehe....

lala... me~ posing the 007 agent... prepare your paper bags...heh heh

Well, i'll end here... Wish all I people I know will have a wonderful life...