From the moment in the sealed up place,
Slowly onto a stranger's embrace.
The first emotional expression to the very present mood,
All I know is how merciless the hands of the clock can be,
Not sparing a second to waste.
Little boy crawled to stand,
Falls and failures like the sand,
All shaped by thy guardians' hand,
Sometimes stolen and left mighty to stand,
Not a single being would ever understand,
How things had gotten so out of hand.
As cells grow and degenerate,
Memories are still to be kept,
Like a process of evolution,
Only the strongest survives and adheres,
To our very own present and future,
Tormented or blessed, it's in our minds,
Naturally or forcefully never fights,
As gradually everything goes automatically,
into a trance of silent oblivion,
which may creep up to us quietly,
like a prey stalked by a lion,
But no scars or damage are to be witnessed,
when it ambushes,
as severity depends on how the oblivious it can be.
Written by
Kevin Tang Hoi Mun
2012/4/22
子どもの心 Addie
Where naivety still roams deep within
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Friday, December 30, 2011
Comes and Goes
I am here.
I am stationary.
I feel the same breeze blowing pass me.
I see the same lights shining over me.
I hear the same sound flickering towards me.
I deal with the same people wanting something from me.
I am stationary?
Why do I feel the harsh breeze blowing on me?
Why do I see the glaring lights shining over me?
Why do I hear unfamiliar noises overlapping on me?
Why do I deal with strange people wanting to give something to me?
I am still stationary.
You came.
You are wavering.
You shift to feel the same breeze blowing pass me.
You change to see the same lights shining over me.
You move to hear the same sound flickering towards me.
You decide to deal with the same people wanting something from me.
You are wavering?
How can you shift to feel the same harsh breeze blowing on me?
How can you change to see the same glaring lights shining over me?
How can you move to hear the same unfamiliar noises overlapping on me?
How can you decide to deal with the same strange people wanting to give something to me?
You are still wavering.
You left.
You assumed I was wavering,
But I was nothing but stationary.
I felt the same harsh breeze blowing pass us.
I saw the same glaring lights shining over us.
I heard the same unfamiliar noises overlapping on us.
I dealt with the same strange people wanting to give something to us.
I am still here.
Still here feeling, seeing, hearing, and dealing,
With the vacant space that you wavered away from.
I am still stationary,
Stationary unlike the unspoken waverer.
Written by Kevin Tang
2012
I am stationary.
I feel the same breeze blowing pass me.
I see the same lights shining over me.
I hear the same sound flickering towards me.
I deal with the same people wanting something from me.
I am stationary?
Why do I feel the harsh breeze blowing on me?
Why do I see the glaring lights shining over me?
Why do I hear unfamiliar noises overlapping on me?
Why do I deal with strange people wanting to give something to me?
I am still stationary.
You came.
You are wavering.
You shift to feel the same breeze blowing pass me.
You change to see the same lights shining over me.
You move to hear the same sound flickering towards me.
You decide to deal with the same people wanting something from me.
You are wavering?
How can you shift to feel the same harsh breeze blowing on me?
How can you change to see the same glaring lights shining over me?
How can you move to hear the same unfamiliar noises overlapping on me?
How can you decide to deal with the same strange people wanting to give something to me?
You are still wavering.
You left.
You assumed I was wavering,
But I was nothing but stationary.
I felt the same harsh breeze blowing pass us.
I saw the same glaring lights shining over us.
I heard the same unfamiliar noises overlapping on us.
I dealt with the same strange people wanting to give something to us.
I am still here.
Still here feeling, seeing, hearing, and dealing,
With the vacant space that you wavered away from.
I am still stationary,
Stationary unlike the unspoken waverer.
Written by Kevin Tang
2012
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Kevin Tang - Dedicated To You [ORIGINAL]
Always feeling musical during assignment or exam periods...
This time I wrote a song, "dedicated to you"
Song title: Dedicated to You
Lyrics and composed by Kevin Tang
The sun's shining on me
It tells me to breathe
It knows that I can't say THAT out loud to you
PRE-CHORUS
You know that I'm introverted
Sometimes think that I'm perverted
So I wrote you this song
Hope you'll know
Wish you'll know
My feelings (affections) for you
CHORUS
I miss (need) you I want (love) you
That's what I'll do
To the East (North) To the West (South)
I'll go for you
All I need (wish) All I want (hope)
is you by my side
Oh how I wish that I'm with you
Oh I just want to be with you
The moon's glaring at me
It's so hard to believe
Time passes so quick and I haven't say THAT in awhile
Repeat (PRE-CHORUS)
Repeat (CHORUS)
This song is dedicated to you
You know who you are
So I don't have to say directly to you
Repeat CHORUS
What I've written just for you
Is my way of saying that
I'm glued~
#END
Wednesday, November 09, 2011
Seclusion: Battle between two selfs
Once ever so sunny, now it is drizzling,
Things that have gone smoothly, sometimes obstructive,
Just like most people in life,
mood swings, ups and downs, high and low,
there is never a definite description that will last forever,
no matter how you wish it would stay.
Range of happiness,
range of sadness,
but no matter how down your mood is,
once it hits rock bottom,
there is no other way but up,
and it happens the other way around as well,
just like the exhilarating part of alcohol,
then comes the irritating hangover,
and goes back to the normal daily life phase.
Sad<---------Normal--------->Happy
Is it really true that everyone put their mood in a rating scale?
As a medical profession I've always had been asking about from scale of 1 to 10,
how would the patient rate their mood/ pain/ feeling?
Then I ask myself at the end,
Is it possible to quantify anything so subjective?
Can you actually isolate the feeling to a respective percentage or integer?
When you explore it,
it is always more than just being some ranking to allow other health professionals to get an insight of what a patient feels,
Does it always mean the same if other people gave the same digit to describe their feelings?
Do people in general all express their feelings in the same way?
Or following the social norms?
I guess it ultimately relies on a person's personality,
although this is where misunderstandings and assumptions are made,
by people who think they know it all but in fact,
they are just people who are following to the codes that are perceived as 'normal' in society.
People try their best to stay on the optimum mood,
People try to avoid and be somewhat of an isolationist,
But all with intention of trying to keep their mood stable,
Seclusion does not always have to be a negative thing to do,
Deep inside,
At least you are with someone who understands and knows you the best,
who is capable of dealing with the enemy deep within you
which is yourself...
against...
yourself
by Kaiwyn Tang
Things that have gone smoothly, sometimes obstructive,
Just like most people in life,
mood swings, ups and downs, high and low,
there is never a definite description that will last forever,
no matter how you wish it would stay.
Range of happiness,
range of sadness,
but no matter how down your mood is,
once it hits rock bottom,
there is no other way but up,
and it happens the other way around as well,
just like the exhilarating part of alcohol,
then comes the irritating hangover,
and goes back to the normal daily life phase.
Sad<---------Normal--------->Happy
Is it really true that everyone put their mood in a rating scale?
As a medical profession I've always had been asking about from scale of 1 to 10,
how would the patient rate their mood/ pain/ feeling?
Then I ask myself at the end,
Is it possible to quantify anything so subjective?
Can you actually isolate the feeling to a respective percentage or integer?
When you explore it,
it is always more than just being some ranking to allow other health professionals to get an insight of what a patient feels,
Does it always mean the same if other people gave the same digit to describe their feelings?
Do people in general all express their feelings in the same way?
Or following the social norms?
I guess it ultimately relies on a person's personality,
although this is where misunderstandings and assumptions are made,
by people who think they know it all but in fact,
they are just people who are following to the codes that are perceived as 'normal' in society.
People try their best to stay on the optimum mood,
People try to avoid and be somewhat of an isolationist,
But all with intention of trying to keep their mood stable,
Seclusion does not always have to be a negative thing to do,
Deep inside,
At least you are with someone who understands and knows you the best,
who is capable of dealing with the enemy deep within you
which is yourself...
against...
yourself
by Kaiwyn Tang
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
Aftermath
"It's important to monitor you since you're on Clozapine when it has the side effects of agranulocytosis which is a white cell defect and potential myocarditis...", while I explain to the patient and handed over the blood collection kit to the new RMO in ward. I was not confident to do it on an aggressive patient yet.Things are always about side effects in pharmacological intervention,
but recently I think people act hastily in general some times,
even with knowing the possible consequences, they still happen to do it.
What drives them to actually act on their intuition?
Is there any degree of gain involved?
Sometimes trying to be in their shoes to understand what they are going through,
but psychology can get a bit complicated and you would not want to be too attached to your patient.
When psychiatry registrars are explaining things like philosophers,
about how could the patients present with this behavior,
with all the psychodynamics and biological models,
it somehow connected to me,
the words uttered from him somehow makes sense to me,
which is different when I am doing other rotation (eg. neuro, cardio etc)
Could this be from doing too much psychiatry?
Do I want to be in psychiatry?- I don't know,
at least not consciously,
not if I sit down and research about what I really want,
besides there is still lots to be experienced yet.
"I understand that you've been using alcohol as something to numb away the sorrow and grief, but now your body is too intoxicated, and they want the alcohol out. We can still provide some benzos for your withdrawal after doing the AWS, then monitor you closely...", stated the consultant while I'm writing the progress notes in patient's file.Loss can be really shocking to anyone,
With such an intense stimuli, it is normal for a person to defend it,
unconsciously or consciously.
In denial, forming a barrier and keeping the loss from within,
finding a replacement (eg alcohol and drug abuse),
referring back to the origin or when naivety is most likely prevalent,
these are all examples of defensive methods after a loss.
The positive approach would be desirable, to move on,
but it will take a while.
Things that can't be undone,
things that comes back to haunt you,
things that makes you feel imperfect,
Aftermath,
how scary and fearful it is,
but hey,
I guess you acquire active immunity from it,
it will get less intense next time when it happens,
but it is just another way of comforting yourself,
isn't it?
honestly speaking...
by
Kaiwyn Tang
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Truth beyond lies
Starting from the bottom of my heart,
most people at my age still tends to behave like a kid from time to time,
never in their naivety that they realise,
what could happen in reality,
so most of them follow the crowd,
most leaders would still have a period of time when they were followers,
until they achieve something great and was once far out of reach,
they followed the crowd and gather all the experience and knowledge.
I used the term 'most people' just to feel less guilty and to get on with it easier to be honest.
In this era, most people would acquire knowledge from tertiary studies
and worry about how to gain experience in the future.
But not all people are satisfied with just facing the books and computers,
some would be involved in work just to feel like living,
but some would involved in work actually for a living.
This could not be compared to theory, "Eat to live or live to eat"
Because you still have to eat to survive, it is a mandatory act,
but people who work just to feel like living does not compulsorily need to work.,
but who does not like some cash into their own wallet?
Men created currency to help make things function easier in the world,
but without knowing how people now cannot function without money,
causing different sorts of inequity issues.
A stable and healthy financial source is what everyone would hope for,
actually possibly to lie and die for to keep the source ongoing for most people,
at least that's what most people know growing up in a working parents' family,
Parents would come back home after work and de-stress with their beloved kids,
sometimes share their philosophy of work and how they wish their child would not have to work,
I remember when I was just a kid,
I always wanted to work to help out with family,
And always wondered why they are being so defensive about me earning some money,
when financially it does not make any sense.
Things started to clear up as I started working,
and funny how I wished to be still cared by my parents,
but life goes on and responsibilities keep adding up,
and with all the given duties in life,
it is crucial to maintain a stable financial source,
although I would hate to admit that I would need an inorganic material to survive,
but that is the truth.
Considering anyone in a tight spot of having to pay for their tuition fees, rent and living essentials,
Majority would have possibly lied to secure a job,
Ethically wrong, but there would not be any ethics to discuss when you're broke.
Sure there are agencies to help and money to loan but for some folks, it will be limited,
At least lying to keep a job in my opinion would not affect my work performance,
since internal affairs would not be reflecting work credibility, it is more on the social side.
But I do understand on the employer's side that trust is important too,
So whether the employee forge a clever and beautiful lie,
Or don't work at all since lying is still not advisable,
But honesty in reality is like a fragile bubble of air floating up to the sky,
You don't know when it will pop before it actually reach the stratosphere,
Would you be honest and tell your boss that you are working for their money?
Although it is obvious but not many employee would admit that in front of their employer/s.
Every employer would love to have employees that are sincere and honest,
but where do you cross the line before you look like you're kissing their ass,
and have the other employees go AWOL on you.
To the very least, in my experience,
I was dedicated to help and I have helped,
Maintaining a healthy relationship with the co-workers and boss/es,
Predominantly sincere and honest in all areas of work,
but using a lie to secure a financial source would be fatally bad for me,
like pulling off a nail where the picture hangs,
although public sees the artwork,
but once the nail has been pulled off, everything shatters.
What's left is a lesson learnt,
and try like hell to stand up tall again,
and not to use a 'lie' nail to hang up my working life,
unless you're a professional liar or life-threatening desperate,
but clear it up to your boss before they find out,
any empathetic being would understand and forgive,
but still be prepared for a sack if you're uncertain.
Lesson learnt:
Honesty is honesty, it's non-manipulative and definite,
lies in the other hand can be manipulated all the time.
Trust needs honesty and some non-manipulative lies.
By Kaiwyn
most people at my age still tends to behave like a kid from time to time,
never in their naivety that they realise,
what could happen in reality,
so most of them follow the crowd,
most leaders would still have a period of time when they were followers,
until they achieve something great and was once far out of reach,
they followed the crowd and gather all the experience and knowledge.
I used the term 'most people' just to feel less guilty and to get on with it easier to be honest.
In this era, most people would acquire knowledge from tertiary studies
and worry about how to gain experience in the future.
But not all people are satisfied with just facing the books and computers,
some would be involved in work just to feel like living,
but some would involved in work actually for a living.
This could not be compared to theory, "Eat to live or live to eat"
Because you still have to eat to survive, it is a mandatory act,
but people who work just to feel like living does not compulsorily need to work.,
but who does not like some cash into their own wallet?
Men created currency to help make things function easier in the world,
but without knowing how people now cannot function without money,
causing different sorts of inequity issues.
A stable and healthy financial source is what everyone would hope for,
actually possibly to lie and die for to keep the source ongoing for most people,
at least that's what most people know growing up in a working parents' family,
Parents would come back home after work and de-stress with their beloved kids,
sometimes share their philosophy of work and how they wish their child would not have to work,
I remember when I was just a kid,
I always wanted to work to help out with family,
And always wondered why they are being so defensive about me earning some money,
when financially it does not make any sense.
Things started to clear up as I started working,
and funny how I wished to be still cared by my parents,
but life goes on and responsibilities keep adding up,
and with all the given duties in life,
it is crucial to maintain a stable financial source,
although I would hate to admit that I would need an inorganic material to survive,
but that is the truth.
Considering anyone in a tight spot of having to pay for their tuition fees, rent and living essentials,
Majority would have possibly lied to secure a job,
Ethically wrong, but there would not be any ethics to discuss when you're broke.
Sure there are agencies to help and money to loan but for some folks, it will be limited,
At least lying to keep a job in my opinion would not affect my work performance,
since internal affairs would not be reflecting work credibility, it is more on the social side.
But I do understand on the employer's side that trust is important too,
So whether the employee forge a clever and beautiful lie,
Or don't work at all since lying is still not advisable,
But honesty in reality is like a fragile bubble of air floating up to the sky,
You don't know when it will pop before it actually reach the stratosphere,
Would you be honest and tell your boss that you are working for their money?
Although it is obvious but not many employee would admit that in front of their employer/s.
Every employer would love to have employees that are sincere and honest,
but where do you cross the line before you look like you're kissing their ass,
and have the other employees go AWOL on you.
To the very least, in my experience,
I was dedicated to help and I have helped,
Maintaining a healthy relationship with the co-workers and boss/es,
Predominantly sincere and honest in all areas of work,
but using a lie to secure a financial source would be fatally bad for me,
like pulling off a nail where the picture hangs,
although public sees the artwork,
but once the nail has been pulled off, everything shatters.
What's left is a lesson learnt,
and try like hell to stand up tall again,
and not to use a 'lie' nail to hang up my working life,
unless you're a professional liar or life-threatening desperate,
but clear it up to your boss before they find out,
any empathetic being would understand and forgive,
but still be prepared for a sack if you're uncertain.
Lesson learnt:
Honesty is honesty, it's non-manipulative and definite,
lies in the other hand can be manipulated all the time.
Trust needs honesty and some non-manipulative lies.
By Kaiwyn
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Withdrawal
Well *takes a deep breathe*
Sunlight shines through the semi-transparent glass into my room full of notes and unorganised apparels.
There I was lying on the same old bed,
Looking through my contacts in my phone,
dialed up to a few friends - "No answer"
I was about to take a quick nap just before I go hardcore on studies back.
As I was about to doze off with procrastination,
I decided to jolt up from my horizontal position,
Washed my used dishes,
Cooked dinner although it's only 410pm.
Came back into the gloomy sunny room,
suddenly felt a bit autumn-ish,
the yellowness of the light soothes me as well as it brought some melancholy,
I wonder why...
Memories slowly recollected into my mind,
although I thought it was full from all the studies that I had done,
the decision of withdrawing from last semester when I had gone through it,
the decision of withdrawing from my parent's financial care,
the decision of withdrawing from love and friendship,
slowly haunts me...
every decision that I had made so far...
probably not particularly for the whole 22 years,
if I have to think about what I had consciously withdrawn from for the first time in my life,
it is definitely the decision of withdrawing from eating vegetables as a child.
Like a puzzle joining into a picture,
What will fuse into with every withdrawal or addiction?
I froze for a bit
...
Doesn't it end up into a picture of me in future?
Kaiwyn Tang
Sunlight shines through the semi-transparent glass into my room full of notes and unorganised apparels.
There I was lying on the same old bed,
Looking through my contacts in my phone,
dialed up to a few friends - "No answer"
I was about to take a quick nap just before I go hardcore on studies back.
As I was about to doze off with procrastination,
I decided to jolt up from my horizontal position,
Washed my used dishes,
Cooked dinner although it's only 410pm.
Came back into the gloomy sunny room,
suddenly felt a bit autumn-ish,
the yellowness of the light soothes me as well as it brought some melancholy,
I wonder why...
Memories slowly recollected into my mind,
although I thought it was full from all the studies that I had done,
the decision of withdrawing from last semester when I had gone through it,
the decision of withdrawing from my parent's financial care,
the decision of withdrawing from love and friendship,
slowly haunts me...
every decision that I had made so far...
probably not particularly for the whole 22 years,
if I have to think about what I had consciously withdrawn from for the first time in my life,
it is definitely the decision of withdrawing from eating vegetables as a child.
Like a puzzle joining into a picture,
What will fuse into with every withdrawal or addiction?
I froze for a bit
...
Doesn't it end up into a picture of me in future?
Kaiwyn Tang
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